Newsletter: November Update

November Update 11-14-07

Hello Ladies! It is that time again, the leaves are changing. Trees are shedding their leaves in order to prepare themselves for the winter (to accommodate for a shortage of water and light). Also, this loss of leaves helps prevent frost by reducing their surface area. So essentially, they change to survive. A lot like us, I say. This has also been a time of change for me. Empire Dance, the studio that I have taught at for over a year and a half and rented space from even longer, is closing. And the studio in Austin, Free Spirit, is finally opening. That means big changes for StripXpertease. On top of that, my roommate wants to move both of us to a new apartment (and in New York that is exciting, but no easy feat). But this is life, isn't it? It is constantly changing, and we must change with it to survive. Sometimes the change is welcome, sometimes it is met with fierce opposition, and sometimes it takes the passage of time for us to realize that the transition was truly a blessing in disguise. Either way, change is inevitable. So I will try my best to embrace this ending and new transformation within StripXpertease (see my thoughts below) with grace and dignity. And I think we all should take a cue from nature. When we are forced to change, we should do it like the trees, and transform in vibrant, breathtaking, bold, beautiful style. :)Enjoy the color, it is only there for a brief moment. xoxoxo-Kimberly


November-December Schedule
There will be a limited schedule this November and December. We gotta eat turkey and go shopping after all! Sign up or see schedule HERE!!UPCOMING AUSTIN, TX PUBLIC CLASSESNOVEMBER ...classes are already fullDECEMBER
*Basic Moves Intro Class: December 12th, Wed 7-9 pm.
UPCOMING NEW YORK CITY PUBLIC CLASSES NOVEMBER
*Strip Club Field Trip: November 29th, Thurs 8pm ...last trip 'till 2008
*Desire Series IA (weekend cram) November 17, Sat 12-3:45 pm...last Desire Series at introductory rate, only $80
*Desire Series IA November 26th-December 10th, every Mon 7-8:10 pm
*Desire Series IIA November 26th-December 10th, every Mon 8:20-9:30pm
DECEMBER
*Basic Moves Intro Class: December 1st, Sat 6-8 pm
*Desire IA (weekend cram): December 15th, Sat 12-3:45 pm....JUST ADDED!
*Basic Moves Intro Class: December 17th, Mon 7:30-9:30 pm
*Desire Series IB December 2nd-16th, every Sun 3:30-4:40 pm
Remember, if these dates don't work for you, you can always sign up for a private lesson and take the class when it works for you! Day or night! Class descriptions HERE!!
PRICES: Basic Moves Intro Class: $45 or $80 for 2Strip Club Field Trip: $25Desire Series: $90

Newletter Secret Special
Shhhh. It's a secret. Mention the November Secret Newsletter Special and save 10% on a private lesson for you or a group of friends if you put down a deposit between November 23-25th.

Goodbye Empire Dance, Hello Free Spirit
I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first? OK, good first. As many of you Texas gals know, Saralynn has been in the process of building her own studio called Free Spirit. No worries ladies, she will still be teaching for us. Having this new studio will finally allow room for all of the ongoing classes that we have had in full swing here in NYC like Stripper Strength and Desire. I have yet to see the finished product, but will get my first glimpse this Xmas. I can't wait! Although the space isn't completely finished, we have been holding classes there already, and students are loving it. Oh, and did I mention there are poles? So, YAY! They will have a grand opening party coming up real soon. I will keep you posted.

Now for the bad news. This Friday, as I was pulling into the airport to head back to NYC, I got a call from Reba, the owner of Empire Dance. I knew that for months they had been planning to move into a new and much better space. I was so excited to have SXT classes in TWO new studios come 2008. Anyhow, Reba goes on to say that the budget for the new place was getting out of control. No surprise there, there are always those damn unexpected costs. But what she said next nearly floored me. She said that due to these costs, Empire Dance would be closing its doors...for good... in three weeks. I just said, "I, uh, I uh, wow, ummm, wow." Then she dropped another bomb. She said that some of the staff would be invited to teach at You Should Be Dancing, keeping our same schedule, and that this company would even honor class cards for current Empire students. Then came bomb number three. I was invited and they needed an answer by Sunday, two days away. Again, I stuttered " I, uh, I uh, wow, I uh, OK."

I had taught Stripper Strength at Empire Dance for a year and a half. I constantly rented space from them for my other classes. I taught at least 4 times a week there. I felt at home there. I thought, where the f*#@ was this coming from!?! Not to mention, as I was on the phone in the truck, my father, who had brought me to the airport, had unloaded my bags and had left them unattended on the sidewalk. I was stuttering to Reba, imagining my bags being confiscated by some overzealous airport security guard and my insides being probed and studied in some airport lockdown. "Dad!," I said, "You can't leave my bags unattended!" He thought that as long as WE could see them that they weren't unattended. Gees.I had a lot of time to think on the plane. Thank god they serve alcohol.

I knew the new studio couldn't possibly take all of us on. Those that were invited to move over would have to cut their class load and leave students out in the dark. I didn't want to do that. I figured the only way to continue was to pray that they could let me teach the classes that they couldn't assimilate somewhere else. And did I even want to teach there? I hadn't even seen the space or met the staff!As I anticipated, the new studio didn't have room for the Tues and Wed night class. They could only take Sunday. So, the Sunday 2 pm class will continue on at You Should be Dancing. For now, the Wednesday day class is canceled, but the Tues night and Wed night class will continue on. However, they will be managed by StripXpertease and will be at a location yet to be announced. I am still ironing out the details, but don't worry ladies, you aren't getting out of the 45 that easy. :)

I hope that you will all stay tuned to find out about the Tues/Wed class. And I hope to see all you Sunday gals at the new space.I had a lot of good times at Empire Dance. I witnessed some amazing dancing, and even took a few classes. I met and taught so many beautiful, strong, and confident women there. I saw my first in between the legs tango kick (wow!) and learned how to step-rock-step in Studio B. I saw my first student cry tears of joy in Studio D&E, and taught my first drag queen in A. Indeed, I learned a lot about teaching in that space. But like I said earlier, all things must change. So goodbye Empire Dance, and thanks for the memories.

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any questions regarding the switch of the Sunday class and class cards, please contact Empire Dance. 212.645.2441. Last Sunday class @ Empire is the 25th. Last Tues/Wed class will be the 20th/21st. Join me after the last Tues/Wed class at Rogue for a farewell cocktail. :) New class info for the Tues/Wed class will be announced through this newsletter in the following weeks.

StripXpertease Info.
Private Lessons & Public Classes: Striptease, Lap Dancing, Floor Moves, Full Routines, Strengthening Class, Couples Class, Lingerie Shopping Tours, Field Trips, Pleasure (Toy) Parties
Sign up for private lessons/public classes here.
See all class descriptions here.
CONTACT US:
WEB: StripXpertease.com
PHONE: 1.800.747.1462 OR 212.677.1831
EMAIL: info@stripxpertease.com
Studio Classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas.
In-home classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas. In home classes also available in NY, Northern New Jersey, Long Island, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, San Marcos, and various other Texas cities for an additional travel fee.
This newsletter goes out to all new sign ups until next newsletter release.
FEEL FREE TO FORWARD ONTO FRIENDS: Subscribe to the StripXpertease mailing list.
You can see previous newsletters on our blog

Herbal Essences ...for men

Too funny.

Stripper Strength Update

Well ladies, I am still working on it. But don't give up on them yet. I am suppossed to call a guy today that is going to let me know if I can rent the space I truly want on Tuesdays. If that doesn't pan out I have like one more option then the time will have to be moved for the Tues class. Same thing goes for the wednesday class. Hang in there:)

Diary of Woman's Week at the Gym...another from my cousin...funny stuff

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching theskillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly onthe treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda' s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try tosteer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERYannoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other stuff, too, which was just as ridiculous.
THURSDAY :
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny girl to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY :
I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY :
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lackedthe strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today (since I can't drive!) so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will alsopray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Newsletter Sign Up!!

Sign up for the StripXpertease Email Newsletter!!

New Betty Fun

Bettybeauty’s specially formulated 'betty'- color for the hair down there is excited to introduce their NEW Holiday betty color kits in time for season’s greetings! Holiday betty is available in two festive colors! LOVE betty(red) and LUCKY betty (green) …. and for a limited time each color kit comes with 3 FREE special holiday stencils to shape your betty for yuletide style! Whether you are naughty or nice, get your betty ready….or spread the holiday cheer and give it as a gift! Santa says it makes a perfect stocking stuffer! Hurry and place your holiday betty order now at http://www.bettybeauty.com/ ! …’Tis the season to get your betty ready!

My cousin emailed this to me..thought it was funny :)

This is a real letter, written to Mr. Thatcher, a high-level brand manager for Proctor and Gamble.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants.Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle- manager brain really think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And although I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And, that's a promise I will keep. Always.