( This article begins in our August newsletter and is continued here)Some of you might remember my thoughts from the article Will That Damn Apple Haunt Us Forever?. I experienced a similar situation recently. I debated whether or not to include this story in the newsletter, not wanting to offend those involved or come off the wrong way, but I said eh, screw it, and went for it anyway. There is a company, who I shall not name because to be honest they have been very good to us in the past, and I genuinely believe they are good people. This company basically helps students find instructors of all kinds, from guitar to salsa. They provide profiles for the instructors and when a prospective student chooses to contact an instructor, the company sends the instructor all the info about that student and then charges that instructor for the lead, usually between 4-7 bucks. Anyway, I have been using these guys for a couple of years. They started small and have been very upfront with their clients in their process of running the site and learning from their mistakes. Everything they did had such a personal touch. I had even had drinks with them here in NY.
However, last week I received this email from them.
Hello Kimberly,
I am writing you today to let you know about changes here at *****.com.
First, I wanted to thank you for your membership. You are respected and appreciated. You have been with us for a long time and we are sad to inform you of these necessary changes. Recently, our company signed distribution partnerships with ABC Family, Active.com Family, and Disney. In the course of these agreements, we have been asked to more properly align ourselves with a family-friendly atmosphere. Unfortunately, as of Monday, we will no longer be supporting lead generation for exotic and pole dance classes. In a perfect world, we would be able to list all types of services, but in reality, we will not be able to.
I truly believe that the services you provide are of great benefit to women and their confidence, and applaud you for running a wonderful business.
On behalf of the entire **** team, we want to personally thank you for your patronage since you've been a member, and we sincerely hope your business continues to flourish.
I wrote back, very angry...
First, let me say that I realize my thoughts, being one of thousands your company has touched, are trivial. But the subject matter is not trivial to me. It has spearheaded my company and my passion, so I absolutely feel the need to simply share my thoughts. I also want to say that I admire you all for creating a business and going through the trials and tribulations so openly with your clients and for always making your clients feel special and valued. However, that being said, I am outraged.
My disappointment in this news is indescribable, especially since I have been using your site for years, through changes in site, and even name. Time and time again, I have been either pushed away, kicked out, or shunned for what we teach. For some reason our classes that teach women how to feel comfortable with their bodies and their curves, to look in the mirror and not feel fat or not beautiful enough are not OK. But other classes are. Ballet, which leads almost every girl it touches to battle with her body image and turn to anorexia...that is wholesome? Who decides what is good and what is not? ABC family? A company that still reeks of parochial Christian bigotry from its previous owners?
Granted, these classes may not be appropriate for an 8 year old girl, but does that mean they are bad, or vulgar? I mean, I get it, I do. I know we walk a fine line. But it just grates my nerves that once again we take a step back. Once again, we are classified as smut instead of empowerment.
I wholeheartedly believe that until our society opens itself up to the possibility that frank and open discussion with our families about sexuality and body acceptance (ie there is nothing wrong with touching and appreciating our bodies) can be beneficial to our families, then we will continue to live in a world where the fear and shame that surrounds this subject perpetuates eating disorders, sexual disorders, and sexual assault on said families. And it is, better yet was, people like you who stood up for people like us that helped to make this an accepted and positive form of movement and expression. And I'm saddened and deeply hurt to see
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that you have changed your views.
From the article on your site about strip tease classes by J*** ***: Across the country, instructors listed with **** have seen their class sizes grow over the last year; all those contacted share philosophies of positive reinforcement, openness to all body types, and policies against teaching stripping to enter the sex industry.
http://www.stripxpertease.com/2007/01/will-that-damn-apple-haunt-us-forever.html
So then they wrote back....
Hi Kimberly,
I understand where you are coming from and I appreciate you as a person and as client. You’ve been with us for a long time and I appreciate your openness and feedback. We are not classifying any particular instructor or type of dance as smut, it’s simply that there are more and more kids and their parents on the site. We ARE getting more and more 8 year old girls on the site. The parents are not looking for themselves – they are looking for their children, and thus, we cater to what the market is demanding. If mom wants to take exotic dance lessons, I think they should. I’ve actually encouraged **** to take some as well as I thought she’d like them.
While on a political and social level I agree with you, our business decisions are not made on social or political factors. At the end of the day, my job is to ensure the continued, long-term success of the enterprise, and the decisions are made from a capitalistic ideology. If the demand was such that we could have our entire site filled with just exotic dance teachers – and that format made us more money – then we would boot all the families off. But that’s not the case. So again, I wouldn’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with our personal, political, or societal views. It’s where we need to go in order to grow the business. If there’s anything I can personally help with, just let me know. I would be happy and honored to help any way I can. You are a rock star in my book and I will do what I can to support you.
Best,
*****
So what does this all mean? Well first, his letter made me feel like an asshole. They really have been nothing but nice to me, but dammit I just couldn't not speak my mind. So I wrote back once more.
Hey *****,
I am sorry for my hasty and very bitter response. While I understand you simply made a decision to further your business, and your decision to discontinue the leads wasn't based on your personal convictions, it deeply affects mine. As I mentioned, I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do. It's just something I battle with on a daily basis, and I have to shout out how I feel. Even if it falls on deaf ears or doesn't change the situation. I hope you understand. I really do wish you all the best of luck, And I although I loathe the company you have taken up with, I realize their pockets are deep. I hope that they can propel you to the success you all deserve for all of your hard work. Really. Either way it was nice working with you....best of luck.
Best wishes,
Kimberly
I needed to be nice, ya know? Part of me feels defeated, yet part of me doesn't. This just fuels the fire. This makes me realize I will have many more of these tiny battles. Many more situations just like this one. But each time I will learn something, each time will strengthen my convictions and each time will bring me closer to the last time. So the good fight goes on...And if I am being shunned by Pat Robertson's old company and people who are over the top excited about The secret life of the American teenager, then big deal. Women who want to make a change for the better, who want to freely explore their bodies and their sexuality in a positive and fulfilling way will find me with or with out ****.com.
Thats me and Saralynn and my cousin on the couch..waiting on hold.
