Who would wear this!?! And yes, the dick is ON the shirt.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Hahahahaha! Stripper dust. Too funny!
This is why I never wore glitter. The married guys usually spent more money. And they avoided glitter like the plague. That's one thing the new girls didn't seem to get. You are there to appease to them. To turn them on. To be their fantasy. Not to play dress up with your girlfriends. I always tried to cater to the client with the most cash. Play the music, wear the clothes, make up and hair to appeal to the 30-50 year old man with the fat roll in his wallet. You can dance to "I am a Barbie girl" when you go out.
He puts it a little differently here,,,
| Jokes.com | ||||
| John Heffron - Stripper Dust | ||||
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He puts it a little differently here,,,
| Jokes.com | ||||
| John Heffron - Girl Glitter | ||||
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Friday, May 29, 2009
Your string is hanging out...
So, you are on stage doing your thing, kicking up your leg, getting on all fours, jiggling your booty in customer's faces. Opening and closing your legs, feeling the music. Ya know, a typical stage routine. Customers are tipping you, and you are rocking. Then a friend comes up to stage, another dancer. This is nothing new. Other dancers tip each other to help each other make money. Guys enjoy the two girl show, get a little excited, and spend more money. Happiness all around. You start to give her a show, but she grabs your head and pulls you close to her. Oh...it's gonna be kinky. Then you hear those five dreaded words...
Your
string
is
hanging
out.
You take a deep breath. You kiss her cheek, move closer to rearrange in the shield of her body and go back to dancing. But now it's a little different. Now your face is on fire. Now you know why they focused in on your crotch a little more than usual. Now you know why the stares were a little cock-eyed. Awesome. And you have 4 more songs to do. Juuuust awesome.
Yep, that happens at least a few time in a dancer's life. Oh the joy. Several times I was on either side of that story.... the helpful friend and the mortified dancer.
So we all come up with ways around it. Some girls cut their strings. Some shove them inside. Some make sure the string pulls up the center. Some don't even work that week. But no matter, it always happens.
And it is embarrassing? Well HELL YEAH! Can you imagine!?!? I mean it is HANGING OUT! Glowing bright white in the black light like a little beacon saying "Yo!! Look here!! This girl is on her period. Look! LOOK! LOOK! Wheeee! No! Don't look away! You want to look at me ! OH, don't let her see you looking. Look at meeeee! YAY!!!"
Yeah. Good times. Another thing I don't miss.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
No vulva rollercoster for the Chinese
Love Land was destroyed before it was created. A sex wonderland amusement park built to educate and help fornicate in China was torn down this month. Boo.
Defending the theme park, the manager of Love Land, Lu Xiaoqing, said: “We are building the park for the good of the public and for adults to enjoy a harmonious sex life.”
I am seeing space mountain inside a vagina. And the log flume shaped like a big penis. Sweet.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
New Beyonce video..Ego. LOVIN' IT!!!!
Ok, I am all over this one. It is hot for several reasons.
First, she looks great, but not perfect. She def has the biggest bootie and legs but does she hire bigger dancers? No, SHE EMBRACES IT! Also, I see striptease moves! Woo-hoo. Wall Slide, Stripper Walk, Lotion, Hair Flips. Yeah!
First, she looks great, but not perfect. She def has the biggest bootie and legs but does she hire bigger dancers? No, SHE EMBRACES IT! Also, I see striptease moves! Woo-hoo. Wall Slide, Stripper Walk, Lotion, Hair Flips. Yeah!
Monday, May 25, 2009
A brilliant demo of rhythm and confidence...oh and naked chicks in the street
Make The Girl Dance "Baby Baby Baby" ( official video )
So this is what I preach in my class.
1. RHYTHM. You must walk in on rhythm right away. Notice in the video how the first girl steps with the music, especially in the beginning of her section. Also notice how much better that looks than at the end of her section. Two has is down it the beginning, but looses it and then regains. Number 3 starts all fast and angry, but picks it back up, and does really well
2. SMILE. Girl Number one, rocked it out. She looked confident. She looked hot. Now girl number 2 had it a bit, but didn't seem as sure as #1. And #3 is just a mess. She had energy but where is the smile? She just looked pissed.
So go slow ladies, walk on beat, and work that hint of a smile. Just keep the stripping to the bedroom.
...check out the guy that comes out at 1:20... he runs ahead to get more pictures and pops out again at 1:50..lol
So this is what I preach in my class.
1. RHYTHM. You must walk in on rhythm right away. Notice in the video how the first girl steps with the music, especially in the beginning of her section. Also notice how much better that looks than at the end of her section. Two has is down it the beginning, but looses it and then regains. Number 3 starts all fast and angry, but picks it back up, and does really well
2. SMILE. Girl Number one, rocked it out. She looked confident. She looked hot. Now girl number 2 had it a bit, but didn't seem as sure as #1. And #3 is just a mess. She had energy but where is the smile? She just looked pissed.
So go slow ladies, walk on beat, and work that hint of a smile. Just keep the stripping to the bedroom.
...check out the guy that comes out at 1:20... he runs ahead to get more pictures and pops out again at 1:50..lol
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Air guitarists get all the air sex.
So you've done it, we all have, a little air guitar while you groove to your iPod. That fun fascination turned into the air guitar championships, a pretty big deal nowadays, but I had no idea about this gem. The air sex championships. Yep, you act it out, all through mime. My acting coach would be delighted. The only rule..you can't climax for real on stage..save that for the backstage groupies.
check out the video
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Skinny jeans = nerve damage...but just for a few minutes
So apparently skinny jeans can pinch a nerve in your thigh and give you a tingly-numb sensation. But don't fret, it isn't permanent, it goes away once you squirm your way out of them.
Also skinny jeans can cause a sadness and loneliness in men usually from the lack of sex they are getting because they are wearing skinny jeans.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Erotica for you! Groovy baby.
(This was submitted by one of our instructors, Naomi)
Scientists are always doing studies on sex and sexuality (Mainly, I think, because it's more titillating than studying cancer or brains or other non-sex related topics. A husband and wife team, Masters and Johnson, who were one of the pioneering teams in the science of sexuality actually watched 14,000 live orgasms over their career. Imagine!), but I stumbled upon a particularly interesting scientist/journalist called Gay Talese.
This man, in research for his book, actually joined Sandstone, which was basically an extreme swinger's commune in the late 70s and joined in the "activities." His defense was "I couldn't stay in the press box. It wasn't a Rose Bowl game...I wanted to go there and I wasn't going to be watching from afar." Right. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it?
If you're looking for a bit of HOT summer reading, you can pick up the resulting tome, "Thy Neighbor's Wife," (on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Thy-Neighbors-Wife-Gay-Talese/dp/0061665436/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240424634&sr=8-1) which, as you can imagine, made quite a cultural splash when it came out in 1980. It takes you inside the Playboy Mansion and into the bedrooms of suburbia!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Love Machine... I am so friggin' scared
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Sunday, May 10, 2009
My new response to overly drunk guys at bars that come on too hard
"Oh my god, just put your dick in my mouth ...yes fuck my mouth. Do it."
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wall street turns to stripping..or away from it.
Ohhhh, this is funny. And a bit exaggerated. If the wall streeters are all getting laid off, then they aren't coming to the strip club. DUH. So now more dancers, less money. Oh well, good thing I am retired.
Couple of funny comments:
FROM THE STORY:
Even more bizarre, she added, was discovering that she experienced less sexual harassment at Rick's Cabaret in Murry Hill than she used to while working on the Street. REALLY? So you had several guys trying to grab your boobs, asking you how your pussy smelled, and if you enjoyed it doggie style on wall street? WTF?
FROM THE COMMENTS:
One club owner described his recession-proof business this way: "Even in the worst of times, for us it's the breast of times." TRUE! Because now there are more girls working , therefore more house fees.
Times are hard for everybody! I did it when I needed to, and the majority of the dancers there were students getting their masters degree. Ummm, what club did you dance in?
ummmm for 160K I HIGHLY DOUBT she's only stripping. what kinda strip joint pays there strippers 160K? Well strip clubs don't pay girls, girls pay to work in them. Customers pay girls, and yes you can make that much in a year in a high end club if you hustle your ass off.
Friday, May 8, 2009
He had this crazy beard, and he drank pee..
He would come into the club and request that a girl pee in to a shot glass or beer bottle so that he could drink it. I think he was paying like 50, 100 bucks and this was like 10 yrs ago. So it was easy money. But as any girl who has ever gone to the doctor and had to pee in a cup knows, peeing into an object is difficult, much less peeing into a shot glass. You have splashback, messy hands, and well, that just ain't worth 50 bucks.
The solution was found, as it often was on those crazy nights, in the DJ booth. Men have much better aim, and 100 bucks split in half was still a decent amount of money for 5 minutes of work.
The solution was found, as it often was on those crazy nights, in the DJ booth. Men have much better aim, and 100 bucks split in half was still a decent amount of money for 5 minutes of work.
I wonder if he ever knew he as being duped? Poor guy.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My penis burns...no, really.
How great is this? But these are no ordinary penis candles. They are voo doo candles! Light the tip and get your wish. Oh joy!
From the site:
white for attracting a new or unknown male lover.
red to arouse passion in a man, to restore nature.
blue for peacefulness, fidelity, and a happy home.
black to wreak sexual vengeance on a man.
Before being lit, the candle is carved with the name of the intended target, using a needle or pin to write the name in the wax, along with one's wishes. It may be placed on a name-paper or other item linking the work to the target individual. It is dressed with an appropriate dressing oil, such as Love Me or Follow Me Boy or Kiss Me Now! -- or, if the object is same-sex love, Lavender Love Drops may be added to any of the above or used alone. Genital candles can be tied and bound or tied together in pairs for various purposes. If the work is not being done for love, then another appropriate dressing oil should be selected, of course.
It is important to properly dispose of ritual remains. If the work is done for romantic purposes, you may want to keep the remains around your home. Wrap up any left-over candle wax, incense ashes, and used sachet powders in a piece of cloth. Secure it with thread and tie it. Bury it in your yard. If the work is done for other purposes, dispose of it according to the ritual methods outlined on the web page called "Laying Tricks and Disposing of Ritual Remains in the Hoodoo Tradition."
It is important to properly dispose of ritual remains. If the work is done for romantic purposes, you may want to keep the remains around your home. Wrap up any left-over candle wax, incense ashes, and used sachet powders in a piece of cloth. Secure it with thread and tie it. Bury it in your yard. If the work is done for other purposes, dispose of it according to the ritual methods outlined on the web page called "Laying Tricks and Disposing of Ritual Remains in the Hoodoo Tradition."
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
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