Funny....At home mammogram

I saw this recently...funny.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn�t effective enough.

Exercise 2
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!

Strange Female Product II

Ok, here is another weird one. This is a ...a ummm, well....it is a tampon...that isn't a tampon. So weird....OK, it is a small cup that you insert. In theory, your flow gets contained in the cup for up to 12 hours, then you pull it out, dump it in the toilet, rinse and re-insert.

Hey, I didn't make this one up. The one pictured is the Moon Cup, by Keeper. I think it is brilliant, just like the Sweet Pee. I just don't know if I could use it.

Here is more info from their site http://mooncup.co.uk/index.html

About the Moon Cup
The Moon Cup is a small internally worn, reusable menstrual cup. It is made of medical grade silicone. A wise alternative to tampons or pads! The Moon Cup menstrual cup can each hold up to one ounce of your menstrual flow (An average woman's entire monthly flow is from 2 to 4 ounces) They can be worn up to 12 hours and even overnight. Great for active women. The Moon Cup honors your body since they do not absorb or disrupt your natural vaginal moisture. Moon Cup menstrual cups are environment friendly, honoring the ecological balance of the earth. They are also economical and simple to use. Instructions included. Also comes with a drawstring bag. Styles vary; call if you have a preference!

Check out this site for all questions about the cup. http://menstrualcups.org/ It seems that women love it as much as they struggle with it. Leakage, pain, and annihilation by the family pet.

There is also a Diva Cup http://www.divacup.com/ . Instead, which looks less painful http://www.softcup.com/ . And Lunette http://www.lunette.fi/english_index.html ...which by the way doesn't test on animals. (yeah, not even gonna touch that one.

As far as I am concerned, I am earthy, I recycle, I take mass transit, but the environment can suffer a little, cuz I like my white thongs. I am sticking with Tampax.

Breast Exam Poem

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month...


Breast Exam Poem (I didn't write this, but it sure is funny...)


For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.


So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.


After 30 years of astute care, My doctor found a lump. She ordered up a mammogram, To look inside that bump.


"Stand up very close" she said. As she got my boob in line, "And tell me when it hurts" she said. "Ah yes! There, that's fine.


She stepped upon a pedal. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, My boob was in a vise!


My skin was stretched and stretched, From way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish pancake thin.


Excruciating pain I felt. Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this viscous thing, My poor defenseless tit!


"Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.


"There, that was good," I heard her say As the room was slowly swaying. "Now, let's have a go at the other one." Lord have mercy I was praying.


It squeezed me from up and down. It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet she's never had this done, Not to her tender little hide!


If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have popped, "ker-pow!"


This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how they come out!

Pole Dancing Grip Help

Ok, so recently I went to try out a pole dancing class @ Crunch Gym. Just to see.... WOW! I was amazed at how many tricks they were trying to get girls with no experience to do. No spotters and no mats! ...But that is a different story.

What blew my mind was this stuff the instructor put in my hands. My first thought was that it was alcohol gel. The truth is, the pole needs to stay oil and lotion free. It makes anything, even holding on to lean back, difficult. I have seen more new girls pulled off second stage by a veteran dancer who climbs up on main stage to find an oil slick on the pole. Its like who is the fuck is wearing oil??!! So then your whole 2 songs are ruined because you cant even touch the pole. So you finish your set, proceed over to stage 2 where you know its Exxon Valdez all over again, politely grab her arm and say, Look honey, you cant grease up your body then rub all over the pole... its disgusting. Please get a towel and wipe it off (when you want to say bitch, wipe off your nasty crud).
Yes, I myself have gone off on a new girl or two. I mean its common knowledge. If your hands are so greasy you cant even grab the pole do you really think anyone else can? Sometimes they would bathe, I mean bathe in oil and then do floor moves and the next girl on stage almost falls down before she even gets to the pole!

But to my surprise this was not alcohol gel ...it was like this super antiperspirant. It helped to grip the pole alright. I couldn't believe it. I thought, well hell, this is cheating! Back in my day you just rubbed your hands on the floor to pick up a little dust. My, this is quite the improvement. But I still can't help but think it is cheating.
Here are a few I found.

• Dry Hands... with shipping 9.97 http://www.dryhands.com/


• Magic Grip Spray... with shipping 18.95 http://www.vsathletics.com/product.php?xProd=379&xSec=132


• Tite Grip ...with shipping 11.50 http://www.tite-grip.com/


• Mighty Grip http://www.mightygrip.info/


• Dry Touch Hands http://drytouchhands.com/

BTW, if anyone want to check out the class @ crunch, I'll tag along. Fun stuff.

Stange Female Products

Ok...this has to take the cake. You know how guys say...yeah, well I can pee standing up. Well, now you can too!! Thanks to the MY SWEET PEE. OMG. It lets ladies pee while standing!!
You have to check out the whole site including the testimonials and the FAQ. This is too good. I don't know if I could actually use one of these. Maybe in a 3rd world country. But what would you do if you were in the stall and you saw feet facing the other way in the stall next to you...Crazy!

This is the story of the creators...from my home state. I GOTTA meet these girls. Bet they wouldn't do the finger in the mouth move...lol. They apparently spent yrs researching this ...can you imagine????
We are twin sisters from Texas and have always had an issue with germs. The usual precautions like washing our hands are routine. We wear a mask on airplanes, request two bed sheets and pillow cases in hotel rooms, use a straw rather than put our lips on a restaurant glass, just to name a few of our fears. But, the thought of coming in contact with germs related to public restrooms, makes us cringe! We just knew there had to be a way for women to avoid getting close and personal to a public toilet.

I just don't know what to say, but I do like the idea of the citrus spray. Thanks to dancing for 10 yrs and teaching stripper strength 4 xs a week I can squat no problem, but for those that can't this could be your saving grace. If you buy this PLEASE let me know how it works! I am dying to know.

Remember My Pink betty?

Well I just got this in my email today...hmmm might have to try this one too : )

INTRODUCING: BEWITCHING BETTY™....
Trick or Treat this Halloween with a betwitching betty™!Try a SUN-BURST betty™ (orange) color or a BLACK betty™color along with our new fun shaped Halloween stencils!
A cat or a bat shape, or maybe a ‘lil pumpkin patch! 3 FREE stencils with each BLACK betty™kit or SUN-BURST betty™kit purchased.
Available NOW on http://www.bettybeauty.com/! Place your order today!
Thanks so much,
bettybeauty, inc
1-888-44-betty

B(o)(o)BS!!!

In honor of Breast Cancer awareness month.. I wanted to make you aware of all the different ways boobs can be represented on your computer...enjoy.

Perfect breasts(o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts( + )( + )

Perky breasts(*)(*)

Big nipple breasts(@)(@)

\o/\o/ Old breasts

A cups o o

D cups { O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts (oYo)

Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts (o)(O)

Pierced Breasts (Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)

Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )

Android Breasts o o

Paris Hilton's Breasts ($)($)

OK Girls--now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy...