Savannah and the Smack Me guy

OK, so there was this guy who used to come and see this girl Savannah and loved for her to hit him during dances. And I don't mean love taps. I mean he wanted her to knock the fire out of him. She was very well built, with long beautiful hair and very muscular but not scary big, just big enough. And when she hit this guy you could here it across the club. Smack! Bam! Crack! And he LOVED it! Everyone would drop what they were doing to watch them. I loved to watch. I was willing to pass up a dance just to watch. Puuure entertainment.

Lap dance how to!

I didn't write this but it has some good points.

http://www.exotic-lapdance.com/lap-dancing-instructions.html

The ultimate lap dancing instructions guide My notes in red...
Welcome to the ultimate lap dancing guide that will get you bumping and grinding in no time. Have fun following these simply steps, learn to shake it like a pro and drive your partner crazy with no effort at all...
Bumping and grinding not only for professionals
When provided in clubs, lap dancing is generally performed by professional exotic dancers. But you don’t have to be a professional to let loose and have some sexy fun! All you girlfriends, wives, husbands and boyfriends (yes, you guys too!) can learn how to perform a lap dance with this simple lap dancing instructions guide.

Start by internalizing this basic rule for success
First things first, in order to give a lap dance and enjoy any kind of sexual activity, you must FEEL COMFORTABLE with your body. Accept and enjoy yourself regardless of shape or size. Remember - you can't look sexy if you don’t feel sexy. Very true ladies, but this is a no brainer I think. That being said, I know we all have our issues. Try to accentuate the positive and hide the negative.
Now put your wheels in motion – step one of the lap dancing instructions guide
So this is it, you feel great, look great and you're going to make your lover beg for it BIG TIME. Start your lap dance by standing several steps in front of him. Begin moving your hips to the music in a soft circular kind of motion. Take your time, then, in a catlike motion slowly sway toward your partner and when you're near enough, take your lap dance to the next level.
Your next step is all about positioning
Gracefully lift one leg and place it between your partner's wide-opened legs. Then place your other leg on the arm of the chair. Your legs should be positioned wide opened in front of your partner's face – this is a position no guy on earth could resist ! Yeah, easy if you are flexible. For those that aren't lean into one of his legs and then push your toes underneath his other thigh. If you can reach your foot up to his thigh it must stay pointed, Keep your heel lifted or this can look quite terrible. Also don't push down into his thigh just gently rest your toes there.

Continue swaying and passionately run your hands over your body: breasts, ass, feet umm I really don't think there is a need to touch your feet. Hair is better. :)and slowly up to your sweet stuff. Touch yourself as if you're completely turned on and wishing it was him touching your body .
The art of teasing is about to get hotter
If your lover's turned on now, just wait 'til you see how he reacts next. This is my favourite part – showing him some skin… Slowly and teasingly begin removing your clothes. Top first, then bottom, bra, underwear yep, simple huh, ...lol. There is a fine art to clothing removal, but apparently there wasn't enough time for that here and last your stockings and heels NO!!!! leave these on. Are you crazy?. Be cool and take your time peeling off your clothes, your lover should be the only one exploding with anticipation...
Don’t forget this
Throughout your lap dance continue stroking yourself and don’t stay too close to him. Move away for brief moments' every now and again. No. He will have made a triangle with his legs. Stay in the triangle. Once you commit to the lap dance stay within the triangle. Alternate between your hands on his shoulders and standing up in the triangle.This will give him a chance to see your body and fantasize on what he would like to do to it…

You should also remember this...
Eye contact is very important. Let your eyes transmit all those sexy thoughts you have racing through your mind. Let him see your eyes burn with hunger, but stay cool, relaxed and most importantly - don’t forget to smile. YES! I call this the Predator Face...
The teasing isn't over yet…
Only a few more lap dancing instructions left to go. So, at this point you should get closer again, get so close you'll practically be sitting on his lap. Sensually lean in towards his ear. Nibble and lick it, breathing your hot breath over it, let out a soft aching moan. Softly nibble his neck, and then smell him, breathing him in as if you were getting high off his scent. Yep, yep, yep.
Touch him, tease him and watch him jump out of his skin
Rub your nipples along his body and face. I love this one.Withdraw if he tries to touch them. Slink in between his open legs and lower yourself until you're right in front of his firmly erect love handle. Flicker your tongue all over it. ..wait.. is this a blow job or a lap dance??? Rub it up and down – don’t keep this up too long – you don’t want him reaching any satisfaction. NO. You lap dance for him when he is fully dressed.
Congrats, by now you probably have him eating out of the palm of your hand!
Well, I think you just covered all the basic lap dancing instructions. Well, they covered the extra things but not really any moves. But the extra things were spot on.You should be more then ready to fly solo now. I recommend reading these instructions over once more and playing out each step. Practice the dance moves to your choice of music before your grand performance. And let these two basic ideas guide your way: work it slow and tease, tease, tease.

Death Proof Lap Dance

One of my fave students was recently discussing this lap dance from the movie Death Proof.
OK, so the dance is pretty good. Especially because she does the damn thing in flip flops. She lip synchs too, which normally is a no-no, but it works for her. I love the slide up to his face. I once had a girl do that to me in a lap dance and I immediatly added it to my dances and the guys loved it! Hot shit!

The little blue

Ok, on a push from one of my favorite gals, I will share this with you all. So, I think you have to be living under a rock if you don't know about Viagra and what it can do for those guys with an erection problem. What you might NOT know is what it can do for your guy who is perfectly healthy. OH-MY-GOD. Yep, that is all I can say. Now, I am not a doctor and taking pills that are not prescribed to you can have devastating effects . That being said. You just need half and the next day off, because you are going to be up all night. Literally. I can say from experience that it was pretty amazing. I didn't know a penis could get that hard!! Amazing.

Luck of the Irish

They have a new one. Reminds me of my old roommate. She had a tattoo right where you would, um, dye, your betty. It was a horseshoe and a four leaf clover. And it said "Feelin' Lucky?"


Is your betty feeling lucky?
Treat your betty like a pot-o'-gold.

bettybeauty's betty, color for the hair down there introduces
LUCKY betty (green) for St. Patrick's Day.
Celebrate the Irish in you with a LUCKY betty!

Each LUCKY betty kit comes with
FREE four-leaf clover stencils and pot-o'-gold & leprechaun tattoos!

Find your four leaf clover and
go for the luck of the betty!

Place your order right away at http://www.bettybeauty.com/.

...get your betty ready for St. Patrick's Day!

New iMix

Enjoy ladies!

Ben wah part II

Just wanted to say..wore them around a bit yesterday while running errands. The stairs to and from the subway were delish!!
Here is Ducky Doolittle giving a little more info on the original smart ball. The benwah ball.

Smart Balls!!

Hi Ladies,

Sorry it has been so long. Been a busy gal. But I discovered a new toy! Thought I would share. Smart balls aka benwah balls. Used to strengthen your pelvic muscles. Your PC muscles as they are often called. These guys are especially good for women over 40 or women who have given birth to bring you back to pre 21 tightness. Ahhh!

So I have been wanting to buy a wand to strengthen. ( ps I am not over 40 nor have a had a child but I would like pre 21 tightness!). This way you can see the little bugger going up and down, kinda like a see saw. But then I saw these Smart Balls and realized I already had some. (I bought a truck load of stuff once when the boy was coming up from Texas.) So now knowing what they are used for, I went to work.

Apparently you insert and hold them in while doing your kegel exercises. And for some women that are a little weaker, the first exercise is just holding them in.

So I tried it...In fact, doing it right now. No problem holding them in so far.

I read on a few sites that girls wear them all day long. I also read that they can make you a little happy as you walk around. Still waiting on that but I haven't walked around a lot, but the dogs do need to be walked....

I wondered how many women have I actually talked to that are sportin two ben wah balls as we discuss politics. Awesome.

I might go for all day ladies. We'll see.

Dymystifying the Strip Club

The strip club field trip is one of my favorite nights of the month. I love going back to the club as a customer. It is like visiting your old hometown. You see how much has changed and yet, how much remains the same. There are things you miss and things that you thank God you don't have to deal with anymore. But what I really enjoy is demystifying the club for girls who have never been. Showing them how sterile sexuality can be here and also how it can ooze from every surface. Revealing the inner workings, exposing secrets, and narrating the internal dialogue every stripper has in her head.
I think a lot of women are secretly dying to step inside. It is kind of like the boy's bathroom. You know it is there, you pretty much know what it looks like, but because it is a mysterious place that you never seem to be allowed to go, there is a little thrill when you step inside. Then you realize, oh, it's just a boy's bathroom. Big deal, and kinda gross!
I remember my first time walking into a strip club. There were breasts everywhere! Part of me just wanted to stare. I mean, never had I seen so many boobs running free. And so many perfect ones at that. Then part of me felt, no, you shouldn't look. It was a battle...look, don't look, hers are huge, you are supposed to look, don't gawk, look again, are those real? And then I witnessed a table dance. Wow! I actually used to think a table dance was done on the actual table. Well, she used the table but the only thing she was dancing on was him. I was also surprised by how the men were reacting. Some were totally mesmerized, others seemed to not even notice the flesh bouncing in their faces, some were even watching TV! I remember thinking the women were all so beautiful. How did they all hold themselves so well, with such confidence? How were they all just walking around naked, like no big deal? How did they all smell so good, have such perfect bodies, such smooth skin? How did they move so slowly, so seductively? How did they make every guy feel like he was the only one in the room. It all felt so magical.
Very soon, I would find the answers to all of those questions. My first year of dancing reflects that childhood memory of discovering how your uncle really pulls a quarter out of your ear. I discovered that it was all smoke, mirrors, and sideshow magic. I also discovered how entertaining and empowering it could be to become the magician.
The great thing for me is even after seeing the man behind the curtain, that magic is still there. Just as even when you learn that the quarter never really leaves his hand but is merely hidden, you still enjoy the trick. I think this is what brings so many men back again. They know how the trick works, but it is still a pretty good trick. There is something so arousing and forbidden about this world where you can be a voyeur or even participate in an atmosphere that intertwines music, writhing bodies, liquor, money, and the two sexes in a constant push-pull for control.
Strip clubs all across the United States are all the same. So if you really want to know what it is like, you simply have to go. A lot of couples and groups of women go on the weekends. Go and see for yourself. Or go with us, we go every month. The field trip is now going on in Texas and New York. Ask questions. Get a lap dance. And like the first time you see a real life magic show you will be awed, amazed, a little mystified, and you'll probably want to see it again.

NEWSLETTERS: January 2008

January Update 01.08

Happy New Year!! So ladies, did you get to smooch your favorite hottie when the ball dropped? Whoever invented the idea of kissing on New Year's Eve was brilliant! What better way to start the new year than in a steamy passionate lip lock. Of course it's great unless you have no lips to kiss, then it's just that reeeally uncomfortable moment after the ball drops. But whether you had your lips wrapped around your beau or the nearest shot glass at midnight, I am sure that shortly there after you started thinking about those New Year's resolutions. Yep, we all make 'em. Whether out loud or just to ourselves, there is always something we want to improve. Why not improve your sexy self this year?
Boosting confidence should be a required resolution every year because it is the one thing that truly makes us sexy! That means doing things that make you feel cool and confident, whether it's a new haircut or those pair of heels you've been dying to buy. Whatever (or whoever) it is that wasn't crossed off of your holiday wish list, go and get it! Stop making excuses and do the things that make you feel good about yourself!
This new year is going to be chock full of exciting new things for StripXpertease. And I can't wait. First of all, Stripper Strength is back. What better way to work on that "get in shape" resolution? And the Risqué Rehearsal is on the schedule, which will be open to any student who has ever studied with StripXpertease. You can practice your moves and even perform if you want. Whether you took a class at a bachelorette party, a workshop, a Stripper Strength class, or a Desire Series, bring yo-self! I am SO frickin' excited about this class, I can't even tell you!! It is going to be TONS of fun!!! I can't wait for the lights to start pulsing! See ya in class!
xoxox-Kimberly
P.S. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, so sign up now so you can blow his mind come V-day!


JANUARY-FEBRUARY
SCHEDULE

Baby it's cold outside... but we are sizzlin' inside!!

We have a class for everyone this year!

*Ready to reeeeally learn how to seduce through movement? ...Sign up for the Desire Series!*Want one-on-one personal attention?...Then treat yourself to a private lesson, just you and your instructor!

*Is your curiosity killing you? ...Sign up for the Basic Moves Intro Class to see what we're all about (find a gal pal to take the class and save $)

*Wanna truly learn lap dance and laugh till you cry?...Then grab your best gal pal and sign up for the Lap Dance Intensive!

*Have a million questions about the life of a stripper and the strip club? ...Then sign up for the Strip Club Field Trip and ask away!

*Ready to slim down for the spring?...Sign up for Stripper Strength!

*Wanna practice your moves with super cool lights and your own song?...Sign up for Risqué Rehearsal!

New Class Schedule Locations are listed on the Rates/Schedule page. Location details on Contact/Location page.

Also, I know some of you are not getting into the class you wanted. You have to sign up early or the classes will sell out!!

NEW YORK CLASSES

January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 11th, Fri 6:15-8:15 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 26th, Sat 5:45-7:45 pm
Stripper Strength: Tuesdays 6:10 pm, Wednesdays 8:10 pm ***first class is free!
Stripper Strength short class @ YSBD : Sundays 2 pm
Desire IA: Jan 6th-20th, Sundays 4:10-5:20 pm ...still spots available!!
Desire IA Weekend Cram: Jan 19th, Sat 12:00-3:45 pm
Desire IB: Jan 7th-21st, Mondays 7:10-8:20 pm
Lap Dance Intensive: Jan 24th Thurs, 8-10 pm
Strip Club Field Trip: Jan 31st, Thurs 8 pm
Risquè Rehearsal: Jan 17th, Thurs 8-10 pm

AUSTIN, TEXAS

January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 19th, Sat 5-7 pm
Desire IA: Jan 9th-23rd, Wednesdays 6-7:10 pm
Desire IA (Weekend Cram): Jan 26th, Sat 2-5:45 pm

February
Stripper Strength: yes, it had been delayed...sorry gals. Class starts Feb 5th, Tuesdays 7 pm

Remember, if these dates don't work for you, you can always sign up for a private lesson and take the class when it works for you! Day or night. Class Schedule HERE!

Prices:

Basic Moves Intro Class $45, $80 for 2

Desire Series $90

Strip Club Field Trip $25

Lap Dance Intensive $45, $80 for 2

Stripper Strength: 1st class is free. See website for prices.

HOW DO YOU TAKE OFF YOUR BRA?
In all of our classes, we go over how to remove our bra in an ultra sexy way. Every one brings an extra bra, then we put the bra on over our clothes to learn the move. And let me tell you, there is more than one way to put on a bra! I have seen them all, including a girl who put hers on like a t-shirt, hook first then over the head! So it only makes sense that there is more than one way to take off a bra. I want to share with you just one of our bra removal moves that we cover in our basic classes and one other fun thing you can do with your brassiere. For these moves let's use a strapped, back closure bra. And a cute one too, not the one with elastic hanging out and torn lace!

The Tease: For this move you are simply teasing him with the idea that your bra is coming off. With a wide hand (jazz hand) insert your thumbs underneath the strap at the top of your shoulder with palms facing away. First, just slide your thumbs up and down the front of the strap, pulling it an inch away from your skin. Then slide the thumbs back down to the bottom of the strap, and tuck your fingers inside the cup portion of the bra, leaving the thumbs in place. Then use the base of your hand to push and create some killer cleavage. Keep your hands pushing towards the center and then move your palms up and down creating a see-saw effect with your boobs. Look down at your cleavage and bite your lips, like you wish you could just take a bite. Remember your Predator Face!

The Super Glue Move: Start facing away from your sweetie. Slowly unhook your bra. If you have trouble don't worry, just take your time. It isn't a race. Once you unhook, immediately press your left bicep into your ribcage to hold the bra in place. Then take your right hand and grab the left bra strap at the top of the shoulder. Hold the strap between your thumb and your forefinger. Imagine that they are superglued to the strap. Slowly move the strap off of your shoulder. Use your right wrist to hold the cup of the left breast against your body. This means your wrist is pressing against the bottom of the cup. Next, slowly pull your left arm out of the strap. Go slowly! Then place your left hand on your waist. Quickly, without letting go of the superglued strap, throw your right hand low towards the floor. Basically you are aiming towards the ground, 2 feet to the right of your right foot. Next, twirl your hand up until it is pointing to the ceiling, and then drop the bra. Cover your breasts and turn around for the all-important reveal.

**Sign up for Basic Moves Intro or Desire IA to learn all about the reveal and what happens next!

Newsletter Secret Special/Give-Away
Shhhh. It's a secret. Mention the January Secret Newsletter Special and save 10% on a private lesson for you or a group of friends, if you put down a deposit between January 8th-11th.

And new this month, the Newsletter Give-Away: The first lady to write in with my correct old stripper name (the name I used to dance by) will get a free pass to the Basic Moves Workshop of their choosing for themselves or a friend. **Hint..look in our blog!

StripXpertease Info.
Private Lessons & Public Classes: Striptease, Lap Dancing, Floor Moves, Full Routines, Strengthening Class, Couples Class, Lingerie Shopping Tours, Field Trips, Practice/Performance Class, Pleasure (Toy) PartiesSign up for private lessons/public classes here.See all class descriptions here.

CONTACT US: WEB: StripXpertease.com
PHONE: 1.800.747.1462 OR 212.677.1831EMAIL: info@stripxpertease.comStudio Classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas.In-home classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas. In home classes also available in NY, Northern New Jersey, Long Island, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, San Marcos, and various other Texas cities for an additional travel fee.
FEEL FREE TO FORWARD ONTO FRIENDS
You can see previous newsletters on our blog
***We have switched to a new newsletter provider. If you received this email twice please, let us know so we can fix this problem. Thanks!!

NEWSLETTERS: January Update '08

New January Dates 12.0

Hello ladies,
Just wanted to share the new dates for January in NYC. Also, check out our NEW practice/performance CLASS, the Risqué Rehearsal. In this super fun class you have a whole 2 hours to practice to your favorites tunes under the watchful eye of your instructor. At the end of the class, any student who wishes will have the opportunity to have their own risqué rehearsal in front of the whole class, complete with flashing club lights, their own outfit, and song of their own choosing. That's right, dance just like you're at the strip club, but without the boys! This class is open to any student who has taken at least one StripXpertease class, and is only $35! Hope to see you all in class!

xoxox-Kimberly
P.S. Don't forget, our gift certificates make a great stocking stuffer!


DECEMBER-JANUARY UPDATED
SCHEDULE

New Class Schedule (locations are listed on the
Rates/Schedule page Class Descriptions HERE )

NEW YORK CLASSES
December (most classes are already SOLD OUT)
Stripper Strength: Sundays 2 pm

January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 11th, Fri 6:15-8:15 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 26th, Sat 5:45-7:45 pm
Stripper Strength: Tuesdays 6:10 pm, Wednesdays 8:10 pm, Sundays 2pm
Desire IA: Jan 6th-20th, Sundays 4:10-5:20pm
Desire IA Weekend Cram: Jan 19th, Sat 12:00-3:45 pm
Desire IB: Jan 7th-21st, Mondays 7:10-8:20 pm
Lap Dance Intensive: Jan 24th Thurs, 8-10 pm
Strip Club Field Trip: Jan 31st, Thurs 8 pm
**NEW CLASS**Risquè Rehearsal: Jan 17th, Thurs 8-10 pm

AUSTIN, TEXAS
December
Basic Moves Intro Class: Dec 16th, Sun 1-3 pm

January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 7th, Mon 7-9 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 19th, Sat 5-7 pm
Desire IA: Jan 9th-23rd, Wednesdays 6-7:10 pm
Desire IA (Weekend Cram): Jan 26th, Sat 2-5:45 pm
Stripper Strength: Tuesdays 7 pm

**Remember, if these dates don't work for you, you can always sign up for a private lesson and take the class when it works for you! Day or night. Class Descriptions HERE

Prices:
Basic Moves Intro Class $45, $80 for 2
Desire Series $90
Risqué Rehearsal $35
Strip Club Field Trip $25
Lap Dance Intensive $80 for 2 tickets

December-January Schedule

StripXpertease Info.
Private Lessons & Public Classes: Striptease, Lap Dancing, Floor Moves, Full Routines, Strengthening Class, Couples Class, Lingerie Shopping Tours, Field Trips, Practice/Performance Class, Pleasure (Toy) PartiesSign up for private lessons/public classes here.See all class descriptions here.

CONTACT US:
WEB: StripXpertease.com
PHONE: 1.800.747.1462 OR 212.677.1831
EMAIL: info@stripxpertease.com
Studio Classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas.In-home classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas. In home classes also available in NY, Northern New Jersey, Long Island, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, San Marcos, and various other Texas cities for an additional travel fee.
FEEL FREE TO FORWARD ONTO FRIENDS
You can see previous newsletters on our blog


Newsletter Secret Special
Shhhh. It's a secret. Mention the December Secret Newsletter Special and save 10% on a private lesson for you or a group of friends, if you put down a deposit between December 12th -14th

The perfect bra fit

A client sent this to me..lots of good stuff ladies!

http://www.the-lingerie-post.com/2007/09/bra-sizing-101/

Doing a striptease if you are a guy..aka male exotic dancing

Personally I think you guys should just stay away from this. This is an art form that should be left to gay guys and girls. I just have a hard time with male strippers..not my thing. But I still get asked all the time..."Do you teach guys? Please help!" So here you go...this is the best I can do. I haven't actually watched this, but I would love to. Really I would. But it is hosted by Fawnia Mondey who is truly an expert and pioneer of female pole dancing so it can't be THAT bad.

Good luck Adonis...

http://www.amazon.com/Art-Exotic-Dancing-Striptease-Male/dp/B000G8P1WI

Women who don't like when their man looks at porn

OK ladies. This is a problem. I just saw a Tyra episode about this. Ladies....GET OVER IT!

There is nothing wrong with porn. That being said, anything can become an addiction. But I am talking women tripping over a once in a while viewing. Big deal. I am even ok with a weekly view or even every other day.

If a man wants to look at porn, let him. Let him ladies please. Because it's either porn or the lady he works with...seriously. We all need outlets. Men are wired differently than us. It isn't cheating when your boyfriend or husband looks at porn. It is cheating when he ending up sleeping with some random girl because he is so sexually frustrated because you freak out when he even glances at Playboy. I mean are you a murderer if you watch Kill Bill? Exactly.

Think about what it is exactly that bothers you. That he'll find those women more attractive? That he'll want to try a new position? Maybe the answer is yes. But so what? Porn stars for the most part are hot. That's why men like to look at them. But big deal. How many movies do you watch because of a hot movie star. I mean are you renting Oceans 11 just for the story line?Are you are renting Babel to see Kate Blanchett's winnign performance or Brad pitt all sweaty and hot?

And so he wants to try a new position. Variety is the spice of life. Try it you may like it!!

Also can I say you yourself should check it out. Porn is fun...watch it with your man. Believe me nothing makes a man happier (well...besides head). But really ladies. It is just an outlet, like shopping. And as long as women are allowed to try on shoes they could never afford and drool over jewelry we will never buy, men should be allowed to look at porn in peace.

Part Two of LA craigslist stripper rant..

See my commentary in RED. Here is part 2.


21) Hey cheap-asses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to reruns of "I love Genie" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry. ** Second fastest way to send a stripper away. Say, "hey can I have a 2 for one dance"

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and get all analytical on me. For the MONEY you moron, that's why. Duh. **I stripped to find the man of my dreams...HAHAHA!!!

23) No seriously, my real name is Vixen Blue. ** Why do you need to know my real name . You want to break me down, reeeeally get to know me? OK, the real me thinks you suck ....

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac of weed for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you sick mutherfucker! *** Hahaha. This never happened to me, but I did get guys who wanted to write me a check...This ain't the A&P honey.

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl with the overbite and the black roots over there by the bar. ***Lol..Funny though, the pretty girls usually were the naughtier ones. We just said, I dont do that honey, come back during the day shift.

26) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay. **yeah...not OK.

27) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me. **oh boy, I love this gal. My favorite was guys who said let's wait for a long song. I wanted to say ok, lets wait till you cash your 401K.

28) Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more. ** I once had a guy come in every week and up his offer by a grand. Really you wan to fuck me THAT bad? It was good for my ego anyway.

29) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. DO. NOT. ** But then no one would come in. ....

30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent. ** This is why I hated when celebrities or semi-celebrities would come in. Sometimes the ones with the most money were the cheapest. They wanted free dances. Like I would be honored to dance for them. I don't give a f**k who you play football for, pay me.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy. **Eww...I am glad I never experienced that one, but ladies..here's a tip. When you come to the club to get a dance, just know if you can smell yourself..so can we..... ( i know, i know, i shouldn't say it, but that's awful!)

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't quite know all the words. ***YES!!!!! I talk about this in my classes

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platforms a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size. *Another thing I discuss in my classes. New shoes or shoe pads glued in the shoe. :)

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. **Hey.... I like Angel.

35) Hey DJ! You suck! **And I loved my DJs. They were always like a partner in crime. :) And the booth was always a safe haven from the assholes in the club.

36) Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking smurf on your ass is lame. **That's kinda funny...

37) Girls--some songs should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are), Sade, Bjork, or Aaron Carter. PLEASE. **Whats wrong with Sade? I hated country music, but that's just me. But yeah , musicals..come 'on...

Thanks for listening. Vixen Blue

This is from Craigslist LA. Rants about being a stripper.... Part one

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/24568433.html
I laughed my ass off when I 1st read this. This is really how the majority of us feel. I do think I have said all of this either out loud or in my head at least once. See my commentary in RED.
Here is part 1.

RANTS:

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail already. **yes, so true. My favorite is when you do a 15-20 second dance on stage for their $1, and they say, is that it? I'm like , uh, is THAT it? There were even the occasionally really drunk guys who actually tried to give you quarters. Don't do this boys. Quarters can leave quite a mark on your face when thrown by an angry stripper.

2) Men that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feels like a sharpie pen). Ew! I don't even bother dancing with you nasty fucks anymore. ** Oh god, windshorts. Oh hey, you are the first guy who's ever thought of that! Wow. You must really be on to something. Please note that when your hard dick is poking through your wind pants it makes it really easy to aim my ass on it and sit down hard and fast. And whatever you are thinking in your head, trust me, it won't feel good. It will hurt reallll bad, and then you'll still owe me $20.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans--this was an impromptu visit, eh? ** Imagine sandpaper on your ass...it hurts. Hey cowboy, if you need to use a whole can of starch on your jeans, I am gonna have to pour a whole can of beer on your lap to make it pliable.

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if that felt good. It does NOT FEEL GOOD.** Or pull it down. I hated that. Once again you will just end up in pain and still owing me $20.

5) Hey you loser, counting all your bills to me after the dance, all $20 in ones, and rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you. *This guy is a loser. Thank you kind sir, thank you so much for your charity.

6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth. **Yes, men say this. Sometimes they offer more. Also heard, "hey, lemme see it" "can you put it in my mouth?" and my favorite "can I smell it"

7) Stop asking me if my tits are real. There are as real as my affection for you. *Classic, Also heard, "are those yours?"Reply," yep I bought 'em."

8) If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum from just a lapdance. ** Yes, oh yes, this happens too. I like her idea. :)

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way. **Actually keep asking me out, because until you figure it out, you're still gonna give me money.

10) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all your breath stinks, you have a piece of salami stuck to your goat-tee and you look like Jay Leno. Secondly, I don't give a shit. *Fastest way to get a stripper to leave your table, complain about drink prices. If you can't afford the drink you sure as hell aren't gonna get a dance...see ya!

11) Don't bitch at me about the $8 non-alcoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does. ** I haven't ever seen anyone do this at any club I worked at , but pretty clever.

12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income. **I think this just about sums it all up.

13) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass. **Unfortunately I worked at a club where smoking was allowed. Prior to all the smoking bans.

14) Boys, don't sit in the front row with your homeboys and act all engrossed in some deep conversation (knowing damn well you ain't talking 'bout shit) during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. ** Boy, this is so true. This actually also happens during lap dances, and it kills me. I think every girl has given dances where the guy is looking around the room or talking to his friends. Usually suits or thugs. Trying to impress their friends. Easiest $20 for a stripper. I usually take that opportunity to work the room or make stupid faces at the guy I am dancing for.

15) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!! ** This should be a rule. end of story.

16) Dumb ass, don't ask me, "so what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance only with guys in dark pants. * I mean what do you think we do? I said I hold up in my house, put on sweat pants, smear chocolate all over my face, eat ho-hos ,and watch ghost over and over again. Isn't that what everyone does?

17) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!!!! That's extra. **Hahaha. It should be extra. But it happens. I am always amused when regular girls are surprised that we get grabbed and touched all night long. They say, "But I thought that there were rules , that they couldn't touch you." Yes, but just like speeding... everyone does it.

18) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck! **YES!!! I also hated when men wore inappropriate work clothes too. You really couldn't change out of your painters overalls before you came in? I mean WTF?

19) If you don't tip me, I'm going to call your wife. * tee hee hee...

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion before our dance. *Ummm, yeah...we do that. :)

Live again lyrics....life of a stripper

I like this song....makes me sad.."sniff, sniff"

Ying Yang Twins - Live Again (Feat. Adam Levine Of Maroon 5)

[Intro: D-Roc]
I know what you go through
From me to you, I love you

[Verse 1: D-Roc]
From the nigga to the baller, never satisfied
So the money got you doing shit that'll fuck up your pride
You ain't a hoe, you just really trying to get by
Every day looking up at the sky
Sometimes, shit get so hard
It really have you bothered
First you sigh, then you cry
Up a whole puddle of water
Seem like this shit won't ever end
Merry go rounds to the whirlwinds
Waves turn to a hurricane
If you see joy, you got to see pain
Shit in the world ain't gonna ever change
Even when you die, it'll be the same
Now you due to them circumstances
Jars aren't counted so your forced to dance
Hoping and praying for a second chance
Just wanna put back on your pants
Walk out the club and throw up your hands
Tired of being disrespected by her man
Think this shit ain't right for you
Niggaz been yellin all night for you
Got in your mind what's best for you
Walk up to the club to tell them your through

[Chorus: Adam Levine]
She's stuck off in this little room
With nothing left to hold onto
Her life is in a little box
She's wondering will it ever stop?
The life of a stripper

[Hook: Girl]
I'm so sick and I'm so tired
Of these clubs, I keep crying
Every night, I wipe my eyes
Cause these years pass me by
I give up, I'm all in
My whole life is full of sin
This road is a dead end
I wanna live again

[D-Roc]
From the part where a child is torn from a mothers umbilical cord
No one really enforces that lifes gonna be hard
Which is kinda left up to the teachers
And the teachers leave it up to the preachers
the preachers ain't fillin' up the bleachers
It's the rappers
Sad, ain't it

[Verse 2: Kane]
It was this girl named Star, pretty fine little woman
Going to college, taking off her clothes for money
She gotta pay the rent, she got a little girl
Her baby daddy ain't shit, See what she dealin with?
But she gotta hold on (hold on)
Wanna leave the club alone (you dead wrong)
She gotta pay the bills but in the meantime
She like "fuck how she feel" living is real
So she back in the club again
Taking off her clothes again
Going to school, going to work, getting tiring
Lack of sleep but baby gotta eat
and these shoes on her feet
She got a test next week so she stressed
Ask god to give her a blessing, send her in the right direction
Her parents died when she was eight years old
And after that, she felt like she was all alone
But she got her grandparents and they raised her well
Keep going to school, take care of yourself
Getting hard, going to school and work in the club
And at the same time looking for love
She can't keep skipping for an occupation
In a minute, she'll be graduating
Make her wanna throw up her hands
Now she only wanna live again

[Chorus: Adam Levine]
She's stuck off in this little room
With nothing left to hold onto
Her life is in a little box
She's wondering will it ever stop?
The life of a stripper

[Hook: Girl]
I'm so sick and I'm so tired
Of these clubs, I keep crying
Every night, I wipe my eyes
Cause these years pass me by
I give up, I'm all in
My whole life is full of sin
This road is a dead end
I wanna live again

[Chorus]

Newsletter Give Away

To those that are looking...good luck!!!
xoxox
-Kimberly

NEWSLETTERS: Mid-December Update

New Class Update January

Hello ladies, Just wanted to share the new dates for January in NYC. Also, check out our NEW practice/performance CLASS, the Risqué Rehearsal. In this super fun class you have a whole 2 hours to practice to your favorites tunes under the watchful eye of your instructor. At the end of the class, any student who wishes will have the opportunity to have their own risqué rehearsal in front of the whole class, complete with flashing club lights, their own outfit, and song of their own choosing. That's right, dance just like you're at the strip club, but without the boys! This class is open to any student who has taken at least one StripXpertease class, and is only $35! Hope to see you all in class!

xoxox-KimberlyP.S. Don't forget, our gift certificates make a great stocking stuffer!

DECEMBER-JANUARY UPDATED SCHEDULE
**New classes in PURPLE!**
New Class Schedule (locations are listed on the
Rates/Schedule page Class Descriptions HERE )

NEW YORK CLASSES
December (most classes are already SOLD OUT)
Stripper Strength: Sundays 2 pm
January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 11th, Fri 6:15-8:15 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 26th, Sat 5:45-7:45 pm
Stripper Strength: Tuesdays 6:10 pm, Wednesdays 8:10 pm, Sundays 2pm
Desire IA: Jan 6th-20th, Sundays 4:10-5:20pm
Desire IA Weekend Cram: Jan 19th, Sat 12:00-3:45 pm
Desire IB: Jan 7th-21st, Mondays 7:10-8:20 pm
Lap Dance Intensive: Jan 24th Thurs, 8-10 pm
Strip Club Field Trip: Jan 31st, Thurs 8 pm
**NEW CLASS**Risquè Rehearsal: Jan 17th, Thurs 8-10 pm
AUSTIN, TEXASDecember
Basic Moves Intro Class: Dec 16th, Sun 1-3 pm
January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 7th, Mon 7-9 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 19th, Sat 5-7 pm
Desire IA: Jan 9th-23rd, Wednesdays 6-7:10 pm
Desire IA (Weekend Cram): Jan 26th, Sat 2-5:45 pm
Stripper Strength: Tuesdays 7 pm
**Remember, if these dates don't work for you, you can always sign up for a private lesson and take the class when it works for you! Day or night. Class Descriptions HERE

Prices:Basic Moves Intro Class $45, $80 for 2Desire Series $90Risqué Rehearsal $35Strip Club Field Trip $25Lap Dance Intensive $80 for 2 tickets

NEWSLETTERS: December Update

December Update 12-02-07

Happy Holidays ladies! So, December is finally upon us. And for many of us that means a whole heck of a lot of added stress. Holiday planning, gift buying, party attending, family gatherings, food, and the dreaded winter weight gain! It can be too much! But what we have to remember is that some how we got through it all last year, and the year before, and the year before that. This too shall pass. And when it has, what fantastic memories we will have! The perfect gift given; hopefully the perfect gift received; the most amazing party thrown; the absolute best party attended; a peaceful family gathering full of love and sharing and a holiday to top years before. Because in spite of all of the added stress, this really is "the most wonderful time of the year!"But ladies, make sure you have that memory this year that might have been missing from last year. It is the memory of the most magnificent gift that you gave yourself. Oh and I have some ideas if you are drawing a blank ;) And if you are still stumped on the perfect gift for him, then come take a class. Then you can show him what Santa does to boys on the naughty list! xoxox-Kimberly

P.S. Our gift certificates make a great stocking stuffer!

December-January Schedule
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:Now Dasher, now Dancer. Now Prancer and Vixen... Hmmmm, night at the strip club or famous Christmas poem?.....you decide.Seriously, that doesn't just apply to reindeer! Dash into class to prance and dance with us, and release your inner vixen. Find out why we're on the naughty list every year, and proud of it!New Class Schedule (sign up and see locations on the Rates/Schedule page)NEW YORK CLASSESDecember
Basic Moves Intro Class: Dec 17th, Mon 7:30-9:30 pm ...3 spots left
Desire IA (Weekend Cram): Dec 15th, Sat 12-3:45 pm ...3 spots left
January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 11th, Fri 6:15-8:15 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 26th, Sat 5:45-7:45 pm
January Desire IA, IA Cram, IB, IIA, Lap Dance Intensive, and Strip Club Field Trip schedule will be released in a couple of weeks. So, stay tuned....
AUSTIN, TEXASDecember
Basic Moves Intro Class: Dec 12th, Wed 7-9 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Dec 16th, Sun 1-3 pm
January
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 7th, Mon 7-9 pm
Basic Moves Intro Class: Jan 19th, Sat 5-7 pm
Desire IA: Jan 9th-23rd, every Wed 6-7:10 pm
Desire IA (Weekend Cram): Jan 26th 2-5:45 pm
Remember, if these dates don't work for you, you can always sign up for a private lesson and take the class when it works for you! Day or night. Class Schedule HERE!Prices:Basic Moves Intro Class $45, $80 for 2Desire Series $90Strip Club Field Trip $25Lap Dance Intensive $45, $80 for 2

Newsletter Holiday Secret Special
Shhhh. It's a secret. Mention the December Secret Newsletter Special and save 10% on a private lesson for you or a group of friends, if you put down a deposit between December 12th -14th.

Stripper Strength Update. Workout Classes to Start in January in TX and NYC!
Boy, what an ordeal it was to find new space in New York! But after nearly 3 weeks of searching we found it! I want to thank the many of you who showed your support during this trying time. And thanks for all the suggestions on where to find a new space. I can now say that I know about every single dance studio/rehearsal space in New York City! So a few things will be changing for NYC gals. First, will obviously be the location. Second, will be the length of the class, and last will be the price of the class. Read below for all the details and see you in class!!And Texas gals, it is finally here! Now you too can experience the thigh-burning, ab-crunching, butt lifting, toe pointing, hot, hot, stripper strength work-out class! Oh, and here is the best part for all students (even previous Empire Dance students) your first class is totally FREE! Yay!

CLASS INFO:
Stripper Strength is a strengthening and flexibility class with a bit of spice designed to help you move and feel better in other StripXpertease classes and in life!
All Stripper Strength weeknight classes for NYC and Austin will start in January.
Class runs 1 hour and 10 minutes.
Women 18 and over only, NO exceptions.
Private room with NO spectators.
Class can be performed in sneakers or bare feet, but heels are recommended, and fun too!
Class is perfect for all women, all ages, all fitness levels.
Wear normal gym attire. No nudity! (However, booty shorts and sports bras are ok)
We require you to come with an open mind and with out judgement about your body or others.
Bring water, be prepared to push yourself, work hard, sweat, feel sexy, and have fun!!!
SCHEDULE:NYCTuesdays: 6:10-7:20 pm @ Player's Theater (Studio 2D) MAP Starts Jan 8thWednesdays: 8:10-9:20 pm @ Ripley Grier (Studio 16P) MAP Starts Jan 9thSundays: 2-3 pm (short class, 55 minutes) @ You Should Be Dancing MAP (you must sign up/pay at their location for Sunday class) Starts Dec 2ndAUSTINTuesdays: 7:00-8:10 pm @ Free Spirit MAP Starts Jan 8th RATES:First class is free!!! Yep, thats right! So what do you have to lose....except your inhibitions?Drop-ins are $20.004 class card: $74.0010 class card: $165.0020 class card: $362.50Class cards and drop-ins may be purchased online on the Rates/Schedule page.

POLICY:For class rules/payment procedure, see the bottom of our Rates page or click here.

StripXpertease Info
Private Lessons & Public Classes: Striptease, Lap Dancing, Floor Moves, Full Routines, Strengthening Class, Couples Class, Lingerie Shopping Tours, Field Trips, Pleasure (Toy) Parties
Sign up for private lessons/public classes here.
See all class descriptions here.
CONTACT US:
WEB: StripXpertease.com
PHONE: 1.800.747.1462 OR 212.677.1831
EMAIL: info@stripxpertease.com
Studio Classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas.
In-home classes available in NYC & Austin, Texas. In home classes also available in NY, Northern New Jersey, Long Island, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, San Marcos, and various other Texas cities for an additional travel fee.
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